£1.69.

"FORMER MSPs have been handed a cash "windfall" of £1.69 - a backdated pay rise for one day. Their wages went up on April 1 last year. But parliament closed down on April 2 at the start of the election campaign, when MSPs who were standing down officially lost their jobs."

What a waste of time. Did the former MSPs miss the cash? Did they even know they should have had it? Mr Smith bets it costs far more than £1.69 to process a payment of £1.69. Don't spend it all at once.

Pay Day.

"THE House of Commons is set to give up the right to vote through MPs' pay rises – and the move could ensure them a heftier pay package. Harriet Harman, the Commons leader, suggested yesterday this could be the last year MPs decide their own pay.This would effectively leave the Senior Salaries Review Board in charge of imposing pay deals – and it often recommends inflation-busting rises."

Mr Smith knew there would be a hitch somewhere. MPs shouldn't get to set their own salaries, but they might be happy to do if it means they will get an even bigger increase. And since when was it a "right" for MPs to vote for their own pay increase?

Wossy.

Drumlanrig says, "WHO'S WORTH MORE? Jonathan Ross has survived many brickbats, but can he cope with the fury of the Scottish Parliament? Newboy MSP Stuart McMillan is, rather bizarrely, calling for Parliament to censure Ross, left, after the floppy-haired one declared, when defending his £6m salary, that he was "worth 1,000 BBC journalists". McMillan suggests that "the Parliament notes with concern the crass remarks by Jonathan Ross". McMillan is paid north of £50,000 a year to indulge in such matters, which Drumlanrig considers to be roughly 1,000 times more wasteful than Ross's annual pay-packet."

Nuff said then. Wossy is better value than ex-researcher Mr McMillan ... any day.

Higher expenses please.

Mr Smith reads that Labour MSP, Lord George Foulkes, thinks that the average Member of the Scottish Parliament, “works harder” than a Westminster Member of Parliament.

What’s the catch I hear you ask, given that Lord Foulkes isn’t exactly renowned as one of the staunchest advocates of devolution? Well Lord Foulkes’ comments are probably not totally unrelated to the fact he was giving evidence to the Holyrood inquiry considering MSPs allowances, and that he advocated, during his evidence, increasing Regional MSPs’ expenses. He is of course one these himself.

Now Lord Foulkes has hardly been in the Scottish Parliament five minutes, spends a lot of his time in the House of Lords and runs his own government affairs consultancy, which probably doesn’t leave him with a lot of time to do any of these jobs properly, but Mr Smith thinks that it will take a lot of convincing to persuade the lumpen proletariate in Scotland that some MSPs deserve even higher expenses than they already receive.