Thief.

If the Police can't even protect their own property what chance for the rest of us? They really should be more careful.

"THE keys to a police station and a set of blue flashing lights are among thousands of pounds worth of property stolen from Lothian and Borders Police ... Documents obtained by the Evening News show thieves have netted loot worth more than £6000 from police vehicles and stations in the past three years.As well as the red-faced officers who had their station keys stolen, high-value items including two motorbikes have been taken. Smaller thefts recorded include a police baton, a panic alarm and even a tin of coffee worth £45."

Law and Disorder.

"POLICE have been called in to investigate allegations that a Scottish Conservative Party worker stole £150,000 from party funds. Senior party officials called in the police after the money, thought to have come mainly from subscriptions, disappeared from their Edinburgh offices over the last year."

And Mr Smith thought the Tories were the party of law and order. How could you possibly not notice £150,000 going missing for a year? They must have too much cash.

Light Executive fingers.

So, Freedom of Information requests have revealed the list of items which have been stolen from the Scottish Executive over the last two years. Amongst the items to have been mis-appropriated include: "money, computers, laptops and a hi-tech Blackberry electronic device. Thieves have also stolen a kettle, an unofficial file, a suit and the bolts from a bike pedal. Details released under Freedom of Information showed that there had been 44 thefts over the two-year period, with 33 of these occurring in 2005-6 and 11 in 2006-7. "

Now Mr Smith has had to navigate his way through the security arrangements at Scottish Executive buildings and can have no doubt that it won't have been Executive visitors who will have walked off with the items above, but it does beg the question as to why Executive security staff didn't notice the rather well dressed thief walking out the front door of St Andrews House, talking on his new Blackberry, with a kettle under one arm and a laptop under the other. And what is an "unofficial file" anyway?