Jamie Dodger II.

Mr Smith seems to recall this isn't the first time that Conservative MSP Jamie McGrigor has had questions raised about his expenses claims to the Scottish Parliament.

"A SENIOR Conservative MSP is facing an investigation into the tens of thousands of pounds of public money he has handed his wife for "research" services. Sir Jamie McGrigor says he pays his spouse Emma up to £7000 a year for reading newspapers and typing "stuff" at their home in Argyll. This is on top of him billing the taxpayer for a full-time aide and services from a Conservative research unit that includes media monitoring. Professor David Miller, of not-for-profit monitoring organisation Spinwatch, has written to the Scottish parliament's corporate body to call for an investigation into the work carried out for the MSP. McGrigor was one of 27 MSPs who last year declared the employment of a relative. The Highlands and Islands MSP's wife is listed as an "assistant/researcher". However, parliament sources told the Sunday Herald it was unclear what research McGrigor's wife carried out. Emma McGrigor is not mentioned on the parliament's internal staff list and does not have a Holyrood email account."

Water. Water.

But no risk to anyone's health.

"HOLYROOD WAS last night in the grip of an outbreak of the deadly legionnaires’ bug—just days after MSPs had been told it had been dealt with. Legionnaires’ disease bacteria was discovered in the water supply in parts of the parliament building last June, although MSPs and staff were not informed until the end of last month when they were given assurances it had been dealt with. However, yesterday parliament chiefs were forced to alert the 1200 people working at Holyrood that the potentially- fatal bacteria had been discovered again."

But it still shouldn't be there.

Silo.

"HOLYROOD BOSSES lack "focus and structure" and do not have a "clear vision" for the Scottish Parliament, according to a secret report released last week. The findings also found that the parliament had become a "stale" organisation with "fatigued" managers working in a "silo culture".

Naw never. It can't be true. Can it? Mr Smith thinks they could have built a better "silo" for £413 million.

Better Late Than Never.

Good to see that someone has finally woken up to the potential conflicts of interest (as previously highlighted by Mr Smith) between the various roles of Lord George Foulkes as a member of the House of Lords, as a Member of the Scottish Parliament, and as a "lobbyist." It took a while, but things should become clearer when the complaint that has been raised is resolved.

"A SENIOR Labour MSP is facing a Holyrood investigation into his lucrative work as a lobbyist in the House of Lords. George Foulkes, who doubles up as a peer and MSP, is being paid £36,000 a year to provide advice to a law firm."

Just Visiting.

And courtesy of Drumlanrig again, "Being an MSP would be a great job, if it wasn't for those pesky constituents. The new Holyrood expenses also show that eight members have even farmed out the job of showing visiting voters round the Parliament, spending a total of £700 on on-site tour guides to do the job. Step forward Bashir Ahmad, Keith Brown, Malcolm Chisholm, Fiona Hyslop, Richard Lochhead, Kenny MacAskill, Mary Mulligan and Mike Russell."

Mr Smith can understand why Ministers may not always be able to take the time to show constituents around the Parliament as events overtake their diaries, but are the others really that hard pressed for time, and don't the Ministers have staff that could do the job for them?

Goodbye.

Isn't this the sort of thing that caused all sorts of political ructions in East Lothian when the Chief Executive of the Council decided to retire only to have the decision reversed and him eventually walking away with nothing?

It smells to Mr Smith. Ironically this is perhaps one occasion when they should have employed an external consultant.

"A HOLYROOD OFFICIAL will walk away with a £270,000 golden goodbye as a result of a job losses plan she personally drew up. Carol Devon recently proposed the five parliament directors' posts, which include her own £95,000-a-year job, should be cut to four."

Propaganda.

Mr Smith finds it hard to believe that some of our elected representatives would have the audacity to use publicly funded Parliamentary postage and materials to send out communications to their constituents in an attempt to win themselves more votes in the run up to an election. Then again ... perhaps he doesn't. But yet again the Holyrood authorities seem to have closed the stable door after the horses have already bolted ... and been re-elected.

"MSPS HAVE been banned from spending more than £5000 a year on office supplies following fears they were using the publicly-funded system to boost their re-election chances. Holyrood officials imposed the cap after MSPs racked up a record spend on postage and stationery last year. The £477,000 bill, up 75% from the previous year, was incurred while MSPs were trying to regain their places in the parliament."

And some of the worst offenders? Step forward ... "Christine Grahame, the SNP MSP for South of Scotland, who spent £26,465 on central office supplies ... Her bill was around seven times the average and almost 10 times the £2701 she spent in 2005-06. Another big spender was Labour's Cathy Craigie, who racked up £17,302 while defending a 520-vote majority in Cumbernauld and Kilsyth. Craigie's office spend was more than triple the £5358 she used from the central budget the previous year. Fellow Labour MSPs Wendy Alexander and Jackie Baillie were close to the top of the office supplies league table, spending £14,450 and £14,649 respectively."

Lost And ... Lost.

It's official. Our Parliamentarians and their staff are indeed "special," if for no reason other than that they need "special payments" at parliamentary expense when they make mistakes, lose parliamentary equipment, or have accidents.

"SCOTTISH Parliament bosses have been left with a bill of more than £800 because of scrapes and scratches to staff cars in the parliament's underground car park. The bill for re-spraying damaged cars was revealed in a new list of "losses and special payments" for the last year. The £7000 list also includes the theft of two BlackBerry devices, a laptop, a PC and a mobile phone. A further nine BlackBerrys, two mobiles, a camera and a laptop were written off as lost or damaged. The list even includes £30 to pay for a parking fine incurred by a member of staff who could not get back to their car in time because of work commitments."

But shouldn't we know which MSPs were the ones who incurred the losses by being so careless?

Stuck On Red.

"A £250,000 traffic light system to control entry to the Scottish Parliament's underground car park has broken down less than six months after it was installed. MSPs driving up to the car park entrance have found the lights stuck on red, leaving security guards to wave them through after checking there are no vehicles coming in the opposite direction."

Sounds dangerous to Mr Smith. But what kind of traffic light system can you buy for a quarter of a million pounds?

Salad Days.

Mr Smith is surprised that Scotland's hack pack have not picked up on the revelation in last week's Scottish Mail On Sunday that the Scottish Parliament has equipped itself with a shiny new "granite and steel" £23,000 Promart salad bar in the Parliament's Garden Restaurant to which only the 1,000 parliamentary pass holders have access.

Perhaps the fact that the hacks are some of the beneficiaries has made them reticent about reporting on their new facility? But Mr Smith can't imagine the average journalists tucking into a rocket salad when the other delights of the Parliament's restaurant menu are on offer.

Shop.

Courtesy of Alba, "OVER the summer, the Costa café in the Scottish Parliament at Holyrood has undergone a transformation into a small shop, after MSPs demanded an in-house outlet selling the necessities. Three products on sale are Nurofen tablets, toothbrushes and toothpaste, and deodorant.If MSPs are in desperate need of something to fix headaches, clean their mouths out and cover up bad smells, one wonders what this says about the state of politics."

Freedom Of Information.

So, Lib Dem leadership candidate Tavish Scott MSP apparently supports the Scottish Parliament having responsibility for taxes raised at UK level, ... but he doesn't want to tell anyone yet what taxes he thinks that Holyrood should actually oversee. Very Liberal. Mr Smith is sure we will find out eventually.

"TAVISH Scott, the front-runner for the Scottish Liberal Democrat leadership, wants the Scottish Parliament to have control over most of the taxes raised in Scotland – but he would not reveal which ones."

Partyville.

Mr Smith is glad to see that the popularity of the Scottish Parliament is on the up, although he's not sure that it becoming a party hot spot is such a good thing.

"THE Scottish Parliament is at risk of becoming "partyville", it was warned today, as figures revealed the number of events held at Holyrood had doubled. The building is proving such a popular venue for receptions that parliament bosses are to make more space available for evening events. At the moment, only the garden lobby can accommodate gatherings of more than 100 – and it is normally used for receptions at least two evenings a week when parliament is in session.But now both the members' restaurant and the public entrance foyer are to be opened up for such occasions as well. Around 400 events have been held in the parliament over the past 12 months – more than double the number in the first year after the building opened four years ago."

And you don't need to pay a room hire charge, although the drinks packages are a bit pricey ... or so Mr Smith hears.

Roast Anyone?

Mr Smith likes a bit of history, so thanks to the Herald Diary for this insight: "A NEW range of luxury chocolate bars by The Chocolate Library feature famous Scottish landmarks, including one entitled the Scottish Parliament. The condensed history of the parliament accompanying the bar explains that Queensberry House, which has been incorporated into the parliament building, includes the oven where the son of the Duke of Queensberry, 300 years ago, roasted a servant boy on a spit. The oven is now in the office where politicians' allowances are processed."

Public Good?

It used to be the case that some people in government argued that public was always good and that private was always bad. The latest report from Audit Scotland seems to put the kybosh on that one.

"Around two-thirds of Scotland's major building projects completed in the last five years came in significantly over budget, with the same number delayed or late in completing, according to a new report. Public spending watchdog Audit Scotland revealed a 13% overspend of £84m on 41 projects from hospitals to motorways totalling £730m, commissioned by the Scottish Government between 2002 and 2007. Of the 25 worse cases, the average overspend was 39%."

Given the fiasco of the cost overruns for the Scottish Parliament building at Holyrood should we really be surprised? Perhaps its time to create an independent public agency utilising the best of private sector experience to oversee and deliver public building projects away from the post contract interference of our elected or non-elected representatives and the oversight of civil servants? That was £730 million of your money and mine.

Fine Display

So, "SCOTTISH Parliament bosses have spent more than £50,000 on revamping the exhibition in the public entrance foyer of the Holyrood building. New features include a new touch-screen display, audio commentary, a model of the chamber and better access for children and wheelchair users."

It seems rather unfair of our elected representatives to be complaining about spending £50,000 on improving the visitor experience to the Scottish Parliament. By all accounts the display that was there was pretty naff and £50,000 weighed up against the £413 million cost of the Parliament really isn't even a hill of beans.

What's the point of encouraging people to visit Holyrood if there isn't really very much for them to see?

Bully For You.

Mr Smith thinks this isn't one to be laughing about.

"ALL SCOTTISH Parliament staff will have to undergo "dignity at work" training after figures revealed a rise in bullying. More than 12% of Holyrood employees have complained of bullying or harassment, according to a new equalities report."

The Scottish Parliament should be on of the most pleasurable places to work, not a place full of what can only be described as bullies. But if it that bad at Holyrood it must be far worse in the average Scottish workplace.

Computer Says "No."

Mr Smith reads that "SCOTTISH Parliament bosses have been inundated with complaints from MSPs about Holyrood's IT system just months after they boasted of saving millions on a new contract. Some politicians have been finding it almost impossible to log into the parliament's computer system when working from home or their constituency offices."

The Scottish Parliament having performance problems with a multi-million contract which it has negotiated. Naw. It would never happen.

Young Love.

Mr Smith sees that MSP couple Claire and Richard Baker have been given a new nickname by the Wholly Rude section of Holyrood magazine ... "Clichard Baker ... everywhere holding hands and smooching and being generally sickening."

Good to see that at least some of our elected representatives have managed to strike a good work/life balance ... albeit by life-ing during the time they should be work-ing.

Rat Fans.

So, "AS the epicentre of skullduggery at Holyrood, the MSPs' restaurant and bar is certainly no stranger to the odd pest or two. But now the once-exclusive bar has fallen foul of council hygiene inspectors after they found evidence of mice. Scottish Parliament officials have been ordered to rectify the situation by employing pest control teams."

Really ironic. That the restaurant used by law makers, also shows they are themselves law breakers. The one consolation is that hardly anybody uses it.