You Are Invited ... To Resign.

Mr Smith likes the symbolism of SNP Scottish Government Ministers being "invited to resign" by First Minister Alex Salmond rather than just being sacked. But why is that only junior Ministers in Mr Salmond's administration seem to be incompetent, whilst all of their Cabinet Secretary colleagues are performing so brilliantly?

"THE first reshuffle of the SNP Government yesterday saw three ministers depart, another moved to the heart of the administration and two former foes of Alex Salmond brought in from the cold. The point was passed last summer where this administration was the longest without change in the devolution era, and when Mr Salmond's first re-shuffle came it spared his immediate cabinet colleagues. However, culture minister Linda Fabiani, schools minister Maureen Watt and sport and housing minister Stewart Maxwell were all sacked. "

It is well seen that we are heading for the SNP's Independence referendum next year. The timing of the reshuffle means it was not so much a "night of the long knives", as an almost St Valentine's Day Massacre.

The Broons.

Courtesy of one of Mr Smith's Glasgow "readers." Did you see it? Was it worth waiting for?

Never-endum.

Mr Smith admires Mr Salmond's optimism, but Mr Smith believes the SNP have no chance of winning a referendum on independence in the foreseeable future, so what excuse will Oor Eck come up with for not having one? We will have to wait and see,

"Alex Salmond is to press ahead with plans for an independence referendum bill next year despite the economic downturn and the collapse of Scottish banking. The first minister said Barack Obama’s victory in the American election demonstrates that people can vote for change during turbulent times."

No offence to Mr Salmond, but he ain't no Barack Obama, and more to the point, Gordon Brown, whatever his faults, is no George Walker Bush.

Kofi Anyone?

Now Mr Smith realises that the Daily Record wouldn't put Alex Salmond at the top of its popularity list, but even he thinks on this occasion their story might not just be trying to create a storm in Kofi cup.

"ALEX Salmond is desperately trying to organise a visit from Kofi Annan - after jumping the gun by announcing the former UN chief was coming to Scotland. The First Minister told the Year of Homecoming launch on Saturday that he had accepted an offer from Burns fan Annan to deliver a lecture on the Bard. Now an embarrassed Salmond has issued an official invitation to the Ghanaian statesman - and aides are praying he will accept."

There are protocols to be observed in these things and Mr Smith thinks the FM shot as usual from the hip without thinking before hand. Our Eck is growing increasingly impatient these days.

Thom and Ecky.

Mr Smith paraphrases tennis player John McEnroe: surely The First Minister cannot be serious?

"FIRST Minister Alex Salmond may soon be adding a new line to his extensive list of careers on his CV – that of singer. Mr Salmond has worked as an economist, visiting professor, MP and MSP, but next month at Banff he will reveal another of his talents when he performs a duet with Sandi Thom on stage at the Fife Lodge Hotel."

Can he? What's next?

The Broons.

"Oh! Michty me! There's sure tae be a stooshie at the Burns supper at Number 10 this week. That's Number 10 Glebe Street, not Downing, when Prime Minister Gordon Broon' and First Minister Big Eck' Salmond, both turn up for a taste of Maw Broon's haggis, neeps and tatties, to celebrate the Bard's 250th birthday. In true Broons style, a mix up occurs when the twins think they are having salmon for tea only to be amazed when Paw returns home with Mr Salmond instead."

This we have to see. It is almost on a par in Scottish terms with Barack Obama's Presidential Inauguration this week.

Burns Supper USA.

"ALEX SALMOND is attempting to form his own special relationship. The First Minister is trying to schmooze Barack Obama by inviting him to a glitzy Burns Supper in Washington, even suggesting that the President-elect shares some of the qualities of Scotland's national poet."

Mr Smith has a funny feeling that President Obama might be busy, wither washing his hair or solving some of the major problems facing the world's largest remaining superpower.

But it appears that Our Alex will spin any story for a cheap headline. Very unstatesmanlike.

The Truth Hurts.

"Alex Salmond is at the centre of two separate investigations into the "veracity" of replies to MSPs."

Mr Smith dares to suggest that if our politicians were forced to actually tell the truth then the number of them that would be left sitting in the Debating Chamber in the Scottish Parliament could probably be counted on the fingers of one hand.

Good luck to the Presiding Officer of the Scottish Parliament, Alex Fergusson MSP, with his inquiries but Mr Smith suspects they will be quietly buried before they actually have to force MSPs to do something which they are genetically preprogrammed to be incapable of doing, namely telling the voters the truth.

Number One Fan.

Mr Smith thinks there is something increasingly creepy about the fawning attitude of Scotland's First Minister Alex Salmond MSP towards the SNP's most prominent political supporter Sir Sean Connery.

"THEY have been friends for many years, sharing a political vision for Scotland. But clues to the depth of the relationship between Sir Sean Connery and Alex Salmond have emerged in a series of letters sent last year. A freedom of information request revealed that the First Minister sent the SNP's most prominent supporter a Sandi Thom CD and an autographed copy of the Scottish Government's white paper on independence among four letters. They confirm a close friendship between the politician and the James Bond star which has apparently spilled over from the golf course into Mr Salmond's job as First Minister. The correspondence, sent at the taxpayers' expense, all went to Sir Sean's tax haven in the Bahamas and has been branded "bizarre and deeply, deeply embarrassing" by Labour. It also revealed the starry-eyed Mr Salmond played secretary to the Hollywood icon, forwarding him scripts and fan mail sent to the Scottish Government."

The content of the whole article is enough to send shivers down your spine. Read for yourself.

It's Christmas.

Mr Smith thinks Christmas begins with the delivery of that first Christmas card of the season, but have you gotten one from the First Minister Alex Salmond MSP yet? The design is a bit too contemporary for Mr Smith. He's a bit more of a traditionalist.

Get Well Soon.

Mr Smith thinks that the First Minister must have been suffering from a very bad chest infection to be out of circulation for nearly a week. Our Eck has been looking very peaky lately. He should be taking more holidays.

"ALEX Salmond's aides have insisted the First Minister will be back on his feet today after a six-day illness. They said Mr Salmond had a chest infection and denied he was suffering burn-out after 18 months of government in which he had set a hectic schedule."

Mr Tambourine Man.

"THE SNP recriminations over the Glenrothes by-election intensified last night when one of the country's most influential Nationalists cautioned against the party continuing to govern as a "one-man band". Jim Sillars, the former SNP MP, claimed too much power had fallen to Alex Salmond, adding that the party leader did not like having people around who might disagree with him."

Mr Smith doesn't think it is that bad ... yet, although Oor Eck was getting a bit too smug for his own boots.

And you do have to take whatever Jim "I've been in more parties than you've had hot dinners" Sillars says with a pinch of salt.

Yes We Can ...

Er ... no you can't.

What a difference forty eight hours makes. It's no wonder it is being described as Salmond's "Kinnock" moment.

Losing Poll Position.

"SUPPORT for the Scottish National party has plummeted following criticism of Alex Salmond’s handling of the international financial crisis. A YouGov poll for The Sunday Times reveals the SNP has lost its lead over Labour at Westminster as voters back Gordon Brown to lead Scotland out of the downturn. The results suggest the nationalists now face an uphill battle to win the Glenrothes seat from Labour in next month’s by-election."

The shape of things to come perhaps? But more fundamentally perhaps Scottish voters see the merits of being part of a bigger country during the tough times around the corner?

Shrink Wrapped.

Mr Smith asks what is the significance, if any, of the fact that in the latest edition of Holyrood magazine which is published to coincide with the SNP's Perth Conference that on the page opposite the Conference welcome by SNP Leader Alex Salmond MSP is an advert by the British Psychological Society entitled, "Psychology can help you ... make better decisions."

Subliminal advertising or what? Are you thinking what he is thinking?

Plain Stupid.

It looks like the environ-MENTAL demonstrators are at it again. This time staging a noisy early morning protest targeting First Minister Alex Salmond, albeit that he wasn't around at the time.

Didn't they know the SNP's Conference was on?

"AIRPORT protesters tried to give Alex Salmond a wakeup call - and found out they were the dozy ones. The group turned up on Salmond's doorstep in Edinburgh in freezing cold at 4am and played ear-splitting noise on their stereo at 110 decibels, the same level as a jumbo jet taking off. But they later found out that the First Minister - who has the final say on plans to expand Edinburgh and Glasgow airports - was not in Bute House, his official residence."

Union City Blues.

Interesting political developments following the £30 billion buyout of two "Scottish" banks by the UK Treasury and taxpayer.

Mr Smith isn't an economist, unlike Scotland's First Minister Alex Salmond MSP who used to work for RBS, one of the banks bailed out, but even he can see that the UK government covering a country ten times the size of one covered by a possible independent Scottish government would have an easier time coming up with £30 billion. Mr Salmond seems to be suggesting otherwise, but Mr Smith thinks that the current economic crisis has severely dented the SNP's plans for independence.

The last two week's have demonstrated more clearly than anything else the benefits of being part of the Union, whatever the downsides.

"Prime Minister Gordon Brown said yesterday an independent Scotland could not have bailed out its struggling banks. He said the financial strength of the United Kingdom made a £37bn capital injection possible for banks including the Royal Bank of Scotland and HBOS."

Man Marking.

There are already signs that the new full-time footie playing Secretary of State for Scotland Jim Murphy is "man marking" the SNP controlled Scottish Government and Alex Salmond MSP.

Mr Smith thinks it is the shape of things to come. It is just a pity that Labour didn't do this sooner. If they had perhaps they would still be in power at Holyrood.

"British Airways has given assurances that further Scottish operations will not be affected after it announced plans to close a base in Glasgow. The company plans to shut down a cabin crew base, putting 130 jobs at risk. First Minister Alex Salmond met BA's chief executive Willie Walsh on Tuesday night and urged him to reconsider the move. Mr Salmond said it was unfair to axe "loyal, hard-working" staff while an efficiency drive was under way ... Scottish Secretary Jim Murphy has written to Mr Walsh offering to enter into "constructive discussions."

Anything that Eck can do, Jim will try and do better.

Meal Deals.

Mr Smith thinks it would have been cheaper to head down to KFC.

"ALEX Salmond spent nearly £10,000 on formal dinners in the first half of this year, hiring some of his favourite caterers in the process, it emerged yesterday. A parliamentary reply showed that the First Minister held six dinners at Bute House, his official residence, between 1 January and 1 July.Centotre restaurant in Edinburgh, which Mr Salmond has been known to frequent in the past, catered once, at a cost of £1,603. ady Claire Macdonald did the catering for a dinner following the Royal Garden Party for £3,272, and Valvona and Crolla, the Italian specialists, charged £2,010 for a dinner for US congressional representatives."

It's good to see that in these times of economic austerity our elected representatives are up for setting a lead.

Finger lickin' good.

Stating The Obvious.

Straight from the school of stating the bleeding obvious.

"THE former first minister of Northern Ireland, Lord Trimble, has accused Alex Salmond of trying to inflame people of every part of the United Kingdom in order to destroy the Union."

Naw. Never.