Spun Off.

Mr Smith thinks more and more of Gordon's team of spinners will be trying to find themselves new berths as the General Election approaches.

"Gordon Brown was last night said to have suffered a "huge embarrassment" after it emerged that his Scottish spin doctor is quitting No 10 to work for an American PR company just weeks before the Glenrothes by-election. Paul Sinclair, who had previously worked as a special adviser to Douglas Alexander, the International Development Secretary, moved to Downing Street three months ago to focus on Scotland."

Embarassing ... probably not, but he can't afford to lose his backroom team. That will just make things even worse for the PM.

Pink.

"A LOCAL MSP is asking people to wear something pink to help raise money for research into breast cancer. Dr Ian McKee is joining forces with charity Breast Cancer Campaign for its fundraising event, Wear It Pink, on October 31. He said: "I would like to encourage everyone to support Wear It Pink."

But will Dr McKee be pretty in pink?

CB-I.

As spotted by Drumlanrig, "The CBI has complained much about the sub-standard level of education in the country. Spelling is poor, for example. But in the programme for its annual dinner in Glasgow last week, the confederation referred to an 'acheivement'. Altogether now, 'i' before 'e' except after…"

They were obviously too busy basking in the glory of Gordon Brown's speech to their annual dinner to spell check.

Friendly Advice.

You don't get helpful advice very often from government, but it would appear that in some cases exceptions can be made as reported by Drumlanrig.

"Documents released under freedom of information legislation last week revealed a little more about how the SNP activists running the newly formed Scottish Islamic Foundation (SIF) won funding from the SNP Government. After a private meeting with Alex Salmond, the SIF people were told that £200,000 would be on its way, and so they set about writing up an application. One official e-mailed to advise how the application should be written. "Just set down in a couple of pages what you want to do, why it needs to be done and how much it would cost. Nothing too elaborate…" Quick as a flash, the taxpayers' money came back. If only bank managers these days could be so accommodating."

Malawi Bound.

Courtesy of Drumlanrig, "A ripple went through the Scottish Parliament's media block last week when a press release from Jack McConnell arrived, suggesting that there be a free vote on the matter of Wendy Alexander's suspension. Labour were being whipped to vote against the plan, so what could the former First Minister have been wanting? Surely not to put the boot in one last time? We will never know, as McConnell found a convenient excuse to miss the 5pm vote on Thursday evening. What a surprise!"

When are you leaving us Jack?

Chain Gang (2).

Mr MacAskill's comments on "chain gangs" couldn't of course be designed to deflect attention away from the record overcrowding levels at Barlinnie reported elsewhere in the press today?

"Overcrowding at Barlinnie has hit an all-time high and is approaching almost double its design capacity. The design capacity for the Glasgow prison is for 1018 inmates, but the latest total was 1718, the highest in its 126-year history. It has risen from 1600 since July and accounts for a large proportion of the Scottish record total of 8013, which was recorded on August 25." Spin, spin, spin? As well as being ridiculous.

Back On The Chain Gang.

You really couldn't make this up.

"IN MATES in Scotland's biggest prison should be let out to work on major construction projects including new facilities for the 2014 Commonwealth Games, the justice secretary said yesterday. Kenny MacAskill said it was "ridiculous" that there were 1,500 prisoners stuck behind bars in Barlinnie jail when they could be used to fill the labour gap in the construction industry. He said that instead of using prison gates as a "revolving door", offenders should be required to do "hard work" on building and engineering projects that could be hit by labour shortages."

Ignoring the fact that we are on the brink, if not already in, the worst economic recession for a generation which will hit the construction industry harder than any other industrial sectors, are we really happy with the average inmate from the Bar-L being let out even if they are doing hard labour? People are sent to prison as a punishment, and if you let them out on some weird kind of day release to sledgehammer some rocks what kind of message are we sending them?

Mr MacAskill MSP is fast reinforcing his position as the John Prescott of Scottish politics. Mr Smith thinks the Justice Secretary should recognise the seriousness of the role he occupies and engage his brain a bit more before he comes out with these ridiculous pronouncements which undermine the credibility of his office, if not his own.

Between Jobs.

From the Herald Diary, "POLITICAL candidates will look for any favourable signs that they are going to do well in an election. We bump into Peter Grant, the local council leader who is the SNP's candidate in the Glenrothes by-election who tells us excitedly: "I've just got a new tax code from HMRC with a letter saying We believe you are currently between jobs'.
"Do they know something I don't?"

Probably.

Goodbye Scottish Secretary?

"THE post of Scottish Secretary will be scrapped after more than 300 years. The role, which was established in 1703, will be replaced by a Secretary of State for the Nations. It was reported today the move came as a consequence of the IRA being declared redundant as a paramilitary organisation."

Pity. It's the loss of a bit of Scotland's political history, but more significantly it would appear that the current government seems to be gradually surrendering what's left of its role in the governance of Scotland. That can only lead to increasing the odds of Scottish independence being achieved, and sooner rather than later.

Fat Cops.

Mr Smith couldn't believe it when he read it. It's in the Sunday Times so it must be true.

"FAT police officers face being banned from traffic duty unless they slim down because they are risking taking their squad cars over the maximum legal weight limit. Tests have found that some patrol cars are so heavy that burly officers could tip them over the legal threshold. Some cars, with two officers present, are within 14 stone of the maximum, meaning that they can carry, at most, only one additional passenger. A patrol car containing obese officers, which stopped a vehicle with two suspected criminals, would have to radio for assistance."

Who would want to be a Scottish traffic cop. They should get themselves one of those shiny "granite and steel" salad bars they've got down in the Scottish Parliament and watch the pounds drop off.

Cashing In.

"Olympic cycling hero Chris Hoy last night voiced his dismay at attempts by politicians to "cash in" on his success in Beijing. Shortly after becoming the first Briton in a century to win three gold medals at a single Games, Hoy became embroiled in a debate over the feasibility of a Scottish Olympic team. Edinburgh-born Hoy felt controversy was timed to capitalise on his achievements."

Naw. Never. Chris Hoy is correct, but his comments come straight out of the school of "stating the obvious." Sad, but true. Perhaps he should turn the tables and become a politician? He couldn't do much worse than most of the ones we currently have.

Caption Sensible.

Mr Smith noticed a recent caption contest in the Edinburgh Evening News.

Mr Smith's suggestion: "Nicola to Shona: I'm looking forward to that currant bun."

What is it about health ministers these days? They always seem to running around.

Pie And Beans.

This says more about Frank McAveety trying valiantly to generate some cheap press interest than anything else.

"A LABOUR MSP today challenged First Minister Alex Salmond to a 100 metres sprint after a Holyrood spat. Labour's Frank McAveety threw down the gauntlet after Mr Salmond made a jibe over a "pie and beans" episode four years ago which saw the then arts minister forced to apologise to Parliament."

Mr Smith says forget about the hundred metres sprint (Mr Salmond has a well documented back problem) and instead why don't we resurrect the political score evening technique of pistol duelling last practiced by then British PM the Duke of Wellington in 1829.

Let's face it there isn't anything that Alex Salmond can't do better than anyone else ... at least in his own mind. Frank would be a goner by sheer force of Eck's ego.

Je T'Aime.

Courtesy of Drumlanrig, "Alex Salmond was in Shetland the other day (though only a cad and a bounder would connect his visit to a new report which found those northerly isles to be the porkiest part of the United Kingdom). The First Minister was doing what he does best, posing for a few pictures with some local ladies. Our source informs us that when the women expressed concern about getting their photos taken the gallant Salmond stepped in with some advice. "Let me tell you about the tip I got from my good friend Sean Connery," he is said to have declared. "Look at the camera and say 'I love you'." Remember that the next time El Presidente is smiling through the goggle box at you."

The One That Got Away.

So, Members of the Scottish Parliament did it, or rather 72 of them did it.

"Former Labour leader in Scotland Wendy Alexander escaped a Holyrood ban today after MSPs voted against imposing the sanction. The Scottish Parliament's Standards Committee had recommended Ms Alexander be barred from Holyrood for a day after it decided she broke the rules by failing to register donations to her leadership campaign within the required 30 days. But MSPs rejected that by 49 votes to 70, with two abstentions."

What is exactly having the point of having rules, if you can break them without any sanction being imposed? And what kind of justice allows your party colleagues to get you off the hook when you have been found guilty by a process they are meant to uphold? Parliament has made itself look even more disreputable than it already did in relation to the whole Wendygate affair.

She is the one that got away, and in doing so proved that there is indeed one law for them and one law for us.

Salad Days.

Mr Smith is surprised that Scotland's hack pack have not picked up on the revelation in last week's Scottish Mail On Sunday that the Scottish Parliament has equipped itself with a shiny new "granite and steel" £23,000 Promart salad bar in the Parliament's Garden Restaurant to which only the 1,000 parliamentary pass holders have access.

Perhaps the fact that the hacks are some of the beneficiaries has made them reticent about reporting on their new facility? But Mr Smith can't imagine the average journalists tucking into a rocket salad when the other delights of the Parliament's restaurant menu are on offer.

The 20,000.

And from Drumlanrig again, "Confusion reigns at the Boundary Commission, which is again looking at changes to Scotland's 73 constituencies. The muddle centres on Renfrewshire, home to five seats. The Labour Party has apparently estimated there are around 250,000 voters in the area – which would mean one of those seats gets the axe. But we hear Wendy Alexander (Paisley North), below, is insisting the figure is 270,000. This would ensure that the area kept hold of its five seats (including the deposed former leader of the Scottish people's party). Surely brainbox Wendy would never get her figures muddled up?"

Does Wendy know something we don't? A mass migration of punters into Ferguslie Park? Or an alien invasion ... of the extraterrestrial kind?

Beam Him Up.

And from Drumlanrig again, "This softer side to the abrasive Mr Salmond is also evident elsewhere. In the same interview in which he notoriously declared that Scotland "didn't mind" the economic side of Margaret Thatcher, the First Minister was asked some personal questions. When was the last time he cried? "There was an episode of Star Trek that was particularly poignant," he declared. And what music makes him dance? "My guilty secret is that I like country and western music," he admitted. "I am a devotee of Tammy Wynette." What price 'Stand By Your Man' as Salmond's election theme song next time round?"

Mr Smith seems to recall that SNP MSP Roseanna Cunningham is also a bit of a space cadet ... er sorry ... Trekkie.

Positive Discrimination.

"The SNP was accused today of "disgracing" Glasgow after it failed to take action against a city councillor caught firing an AK-47 assault rifle. Labour leadership contender Andy Kerr said the party's credibility on gun crime was now "in tatters".

Mr Smith agrees. How can SNP Ministers ever comment on the issue of gun crime ever again with any credibility?

Mr Smith thinks that it was only reverse discrimination which saved Councillor Hanif from dismissal from the SNP. Sad.

Nicol?

What exactly is the point of Nicol Stephen MSP?

"TAVISH Scott, the new Scottish Liberal Democrat leader, has named his 15-strong campaign team charged with taking politics outside the Holyrood bubble. Only Nicol Stephen, who stepped down as leader two months ago to devote more time to his young family, has been left without a portfolio."

Nicol is the only Lib Dem MSP who is "without a portfolio", allegedly because he under pressure on the domestic front. But we shouldn't forget that Mr Stephen whilst Deputy First Minister had a reputation as a bit of a slacker who didn't even turn up at events where he would have been expected. So is Nicol really under pressure or is he going to spend some time topping up his tan?

Drunk And Disorderly.

"A SENIOR police officer who runs a family protection unit has been suspended for being so drunk he was put in a cell by his own colleagues. Detective Inspector James McLevy, who is in charge of sensitive cases involving women and children, was detained in Glasgow's Royal Exchange Square after being spotted drunk on CCTV. He had spent the night drinking with fellow off-duty detectives."

He's probably a bad cop?

Big Mouth.

"A CONFIDANTE of the late Donald Dewar has said Labour leadership hopeful Andy Kerr is unlikely to win the contest because of past disloyalty to colleagues. Sam Galbraith, the former education minister, said there was a "black spot" over Kerr because he used to act as a "mouthpiece" for former first minister Jack McConnell. He also said the shift to the left by Cathy Jamieson, another leadership contender, would result in her not being trusted by the party."

Mr Smith thinks all of these comments are a fair assessment. Mr Galbraith should return to front line Scottish politics. His honesty is refreshing.

The Long Goodbye.

"A former chief executive of NHS Western Isles will finally leave the health board’s employment next week – two years after he quit the top job. Dick Manson quit as chief executive in August 2006, but was seconded to another post within NHS Scotland. He is one of three chief executives at the health board in recent years. In a statement released yesterday, NHS Western Isles confirmed Mr Manson would leave their employment on September 5."

That's a very long goodbye, but what a waste of taxpayers' cash.

Us And Them.

Mr Smith is amazed that the Scottish Parliament is even considering reversing its earlier decision to suspend Wendy Alexander from the Scottish Parliament for breaking Holyrood's rules.

"A LIBERAL Democrat MSP who voted to suspend Wendy Alexander from Holyrood says he will resign his post if the Scottish Parliament does not back his committee's decision. Hugh O'Donnell, whose vote was crucial in delivering a fatal blow to Alexander's leadership, says MSPs will "undermine" the Standards Committee if they overturn the proposed ban after a debate scheduled for Thursday. MSPs could vote down the one-day suspension plan on the grounds that Alexander - described yesterday by Chancellor Alistair Darling as "not likeable at all" - has suffered enough by resigning."

Either Wendy Alexander broke the rules or she didn't. And if she did, she deserves to be punished. One law for them and another for us?

But the fact that Mr O'Donnell has already been "reshuffled" off the Standards Committee by his new leader seems to suggest that MSPs will probably let Wendy off the hook which will set a precedent leading to lighter punishments for MSPs that break the rules going forward.

Maxwell's House.

"BANKS should treat Scottish customers more favourably than their English counterparts because the housing market in Scotland is more resilient, the SNP housing minister has said. Stewart Maxwell said he would "encourage" any moves by mortgage lenders to take into account the fact Scotland's housing market has not been hit as hard by the credit crunch as England."

Mr Smith thinks this is little more than the latest attempt by the SNP Scottish Government to stoke up a bit of tension between Scotland and the rest of the UK.

Wouldn't it be great to get a better deal on mortgages in Scotland than in the rest of the UK, but the main reason why we can't is buried in the article.

"But leading industry body, the Council of Mortgage Lenders (CML), rejected the idea, saying that a lack of liquidity in the banking sector was the main reason that mortgage criteria have been tightened up."

Even if Scotland was independent it is unlikely that that position would change.